Solenopsis invicta…otherwise known as the Red Imported Fire Ant.

My enemy. My nemesis.

It all started on Wednesday around 6:30pm when I joined Bill and Jennifer for a road bike ride in Bill’s neck of the woods near Fair Oaks Ranch. Our plan was to ride about 20-30 miles, ignore the nearly 100 degree temperatures, and complete what has become affectionately known as the “mid-week bicycle ride.”

Well…that was the plan at least.

Nearly seven miles into the ride, Jennifer suffered a flat in her rear tire. As subscribers of the “leave no man or woman behind” philosophy on the road, we quickly began work to replace the tube.

Being a native of San Antonio, I want to go on record that I DID clearly look at the ground beneath me to check for a big, black fire ant mound. I saw none and proceeded to extract the tube from Jennifers rear tire.

Then I felt it. A single sting. Then another. When I looked down, I saw at least 5 or 6 fire ants on the offensive and started to brush them off while shouting a number of expletives.

I’ve always maintained a theory that fire ants are smart. You’re never bit by just one. They wait till the troops are in place and then give a signal to launch a simultaneous attack. Little did I know, this is a real, scientific tactic! Apparently the first ant that decides to attack releases pheromones which signal the others to start stinging as well!

Fortunately, I only received five or six bites around my right knee. Unfortunately, this was a result of hopping around brushing ants off my leg and wondering how many had snuck up under my lycra bicycle shorts. The thought of stripping naked off the access road of a busy interstate highway was quickly dismissed.

With the flat repaired and Justin free and clear of fire ants. We headed back to the start of our ride since we were losing sunlight quickly. In total, we rode about 12.5 miles. A very short distance but at least one that included a number of decent hills to help keep the heart rate up.

Fire Ants 1, Justin 0